Catching Tales will be sent to the top 430 all-girl schools in Britain. As well as the record, head girls will receive stickers and posters, presumably to give out to other pupils.
The general manager of Universal Classics and Jazz, Dickon Stainer, said: "We identified that a large audience of obviously sophisticated middle-class teenage girls had begun attending Jamie's shows.
"There was a whole coachload wearing Saffron Walden Hockey Club shirts at one concert and that gave us the idea to send copies of his new record exclusively to head girls."
The pressure's on Cullum, as his debut Twentysomething shifted a whopping 2.5 million copies. To twats that don't deserve to be alive, obviously.