You're just dying to know who's top of the pops this week, so let us tell you.
It's DJ Casper with 'Cha Cha Slide'. It's a song with a dance. Moving on, then...
Britney Spears gets bumped down to No. 2, while Jennifer Lopez (or whatever she calls herself these days) is the highest new entry at No. 3 with 'Baby I Love You'. Other entries in the Top 10 are Enrique (feat. Kelis) and Black Eyed Peas.
Fountains Of Wayne score by far their biggest hit with 'Stacy's Mom' charting at No. 11. Cor! Just below them is Jamie Cullum (boo), then the not-really-that-bad Phixx with their second single, 'Love Revolution'.
Further down at No. 20 and somehow Lionel Richie is let back in the charts with 'Just For You', which means he beats new entries from The Vines, Jet and some other rubbish. Oh, and Gomez are at No. 36. The dumper beckons.
Much akin to New Order and 'Blue Monday' back in 'the day', most heart-warming in this little tale is perhaps that of guitar genius Graham Coxon, whose fabulous 'Freakin' Out' enters the chart at No. 37 with sales of a vinyl-only release. We laugh in the face of your 3-track CD singles! Pffffff!