Getting all up in your aural cavities at number one in the singles chart this week are Ting Tings with ‘That’s Not My Name’. Imagine Prinzhorn Dance School moonlighting as Butlins redcoats, and you are getting somewhere close to this minimalist karaoke nightmare. Whatever, it definitely sounds like a hit, so well done to them.
What is it with r ‘n’ b’s complete inability to churn out decent ballads these days? Rihanna’s latest (‘Take A Bow’, #2) sounds like a piss-weak ‘Walking In Memphis’; this in spite of some decent cussing lines to a no-good ex: “You’re so ugly when you cry, please just cut it out”. And The Pigeon Detectives’ latest (‘This Is An Emergency, up ten to 14) is a bit of a characterless affair – not that I’m labouring under the delusion that anyone will care, but it doesn’t bode well for their oddly rush-released second album, released next week.
Santogold climbs ten places to 27 with ‘L.E.S. Artistes’ while Royworld emote their mediocre little hearts out at 35 with ‘Dust’. Fall Out Boy make lewd gestures towards the pre-teen demographic with their turgid cover of Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’ up 25 to scrape in at 40, Vampire Weekend’s ‘Oxford Comma is up 37 places to 52 and Hot Chip’s slightly underwhelming ‘One Pure Thought’ slopes in at 53.
In album-related news Pendulum manages the nifty trick of taking some of the worst music ever recorded (In Silico) to number two in the charts; thunder stolen only by one-man blizzard of MOR Neil Diamond, whose ‘Home Before Dark LP nabs the number one spot. Other top ten new entry is Jay Sean, whose ‘My Own Way’ pops in to say hello at six.
Looking distinctly hellbound are Portishead and Last Shadow Puppets whose Third and The Age Of The Understatement long-play efforts take nosedives to 20 and 21 respectively. Death Cab For Cutie come up slightly short in at 24 with feted return Narrow Stairs, and Santogold backs up cred with sales in earnest, her self-titled debut going in at 26. Meanwhile Martha Wainwright turns up at 29 with I Know You’re Married But I’ve Got Feelings Too, one beneath Moby’s latest befouling of the musical landscape, Last Night, at 28.
Sneaking in the back door at 39 are Mark Lanegan and Isobel Campbell with Sunday At Devil Dirt and The Charlatans with You Cross My Path, while Bon Iver’s debut For Emma, Forever Ago goes in at 43 after an affecting performance on Later With Jools Holland last week.