On the front page of London's Metro newspaper this morning, I was told in big, uncompromising letters that cannabis will give me a heart attack. In reply, here's a slightly more palatable idea - CHARTATTACK.
Popular demand has dicatated that DiS' regular chart rundowns simply MUST return, so here is one with from your friendly journofrog, ROFL Harris.
Sitting more than pretty at the top for another week is The Pussycat Dolls' 'Don't Cha', hell bent on reminding me that they are all hotter than my girlfriend - well here's a fact for you, pussycats, I'M FREAKIN' SINGLE. The highest new entry this week comes swingin' in from Kanye West, his insanely danceable but maybe a little repetitive 'Gold Digger' doesn't even come close to being the best track on his new LP, but serves as an ace introduction.
Scotland's stripy insaniacs Franz Ferdinand penetrate the juicier holes of this week's countdown at number four, whilst the rest of the top ten new entries include Katie Melua and DiS scribe Raziq Rauf's artiste of the moment, Kelly Clarkson.
As we slip down the snake of sales and discontent, we find our left-of-field musings represented at 11 (Stereophonics), 20 (Hard-Fi), 42 (Ladytron), 46 (Mew) and the astoundingly intelligent Bloodhound Gang one behind at 47. It must of course be mentioned that rock LEGENDS Bullet for My Valentine are putting a face in at 37, with their cheery summer anthem 'Suffocating Under Words of Sorrow'.
Over in the profitable and mildly sunnier Land of the Albums, David Gray maintains his grip at the top spot with his latest attempt to rock the coffee table Life in Slow Motion keeping highest new entry Bon Jovi from the top slot. Top ten new entries also come flying in from hot new teen sensation Barbara Streisand, James Blunt covers-band Ian Brown and the dark hip-hop of Daniel O'Donnell. Daniel's record is called Teenage Dreams and contrary to initial press releases, does not come with a voucher for a free packet of Kleenex.
It must be noted that Green Day's Dookie re-enters at number 54, which is somewhat strange and the quite wonderful Cripple Crow by Devendra Banhart 'drops' number 69. Ha, 69.