What is it with people? Why are we always supposed to identify with what's on telly? Why does there always have to be "one of us" hosting all sorts of dodgy TV shows? Take for example our beloved Jamie Oliver.
First of all, he matches all criteria of truly being the "student from hell", secondly he's also thought to go down well with potential mothers-in-law. How very sad. Does the BBC really think all students do is pester our fellow men with pseudo-trendy phrases and a very hectic cooking style? Do students actually cook at all? And where does Tesco Value's reign of blue and white stripes come in?
If The Naked Chef is really aimed at young urban student-types (YUSTIES), then why bother in the first place? Is there a single student known to bake his or her own pita bread? This is, of course, excluding biology and crafts students. And isn't the majority of youngsters more like "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps", anyway?
So why does the BBC bother repeating Jamie Oliver's lame attempts to inspire the lazy nation to get up and cook? And why all these bizarre sayings? Don't people just "put" their chicken in the oven (if at all), rather than "wacking" the "good ol' hen" into the frying pan? And what on earth is "pukka" about a raw, dead and skinless chicken, anyway? Are mashed potatoes really "beauDDiful"? Talking about which, last time I counted, Mr Oliver managed to throw in the word "beauDDiful" fifteen times in one series. And always linked to something that doesn't appear a particularly pretty sight in the first place. Raw chicken? dried yeast? Spinach? Mushy peas? BeauDDiful. Not.
Another thing about Jamie Oliver is his bizarre obsession with tigers. It's not only the legendary bad "Hello Tiger" Sainsbury ad, but also Mr Oliver's personal shopping advice that always starts off with "If you're a bit of a tiger, like me", which followed by ever so useful ideas such as "you break off the asparagus' ends and only pay for the tips, hehe". Yeah right, so we'll all be standing in Sainsbury's Organic Section, happily chopping asparagus, just before we get kicked out by a very angry manager? Great.
Coming back to Jamie Oliver's actual cooking methods. Don't you think the boy is a bit hectic? It's much more like "Ready Steady Cook" than anything else. Is it really necessary to slam fridge doors and throw spices about, instead of just quietly closing the fridge and carefully handle the spices? Okay, I do see that the age of fast food and busy lifestyles suggests that everything has to be done in just about no time, but hasn't the art of cooking turned into more of a hobby these days? As in relaxing, winding down and then taking time to enjoy what you've cooked? Do we really have to make olympic efforts when preparing meals in the privacy of our own home?
I say end the terror of the Naked Chef now and bring back Deliah Smith. At least she knows what she's doing.