Feb 26th sees Earl's Court taken over by a bunch of egomaniacs and pricks in suits... but enough of the office party, what of the Brit Awards?
Well, in a reasonably OK year for music, you can trust "da establishment" to pat the backs of the undeserving, the appalling and anything else with a massive marketing spend that pretty much assures Top 5 placing in any chart. Here's who's up to take away some crockery this year. You know I'm gonna have a rant afterwards so click here to skip the list of nominees.
Best British Album:
Coldplay - Parachutes; Radiohead - Kid A; Robbie Williams - Sing When You're Winning; Craig David - Born To Do It; David Gray - Lost Songs.
Best British Dance:
Moloko; Fatboy Slim; Craig David; Sonique; Artful Dodger.
Best British Female:
Dido; Jamelia; Sade; PJ Harvey; Sonique.
Best British Male:
Badly Drawn Boy; Robbie Williams; Fatboy Slim; David Gray; Craig David.
Best British Group:
Moloko; Coldplay; Radiohead; Toploader; All Saints.
Best British Newcomer In... Pop:
A1; Atomic Kitten; Lolly; Point Break; Richard Blackwood.
Coldplay; Toploader; Muse; Badly Drawn Boy; Death In Vegas.
R&B / Soul / Hip Hop / Garage:
Craig David; DJ Luck & MC Neat; Sweet Female Attitude; Architechs; MJ Cole.
Artful Dodger; Sonique; Shaft; Oxide & Neutrino; Chicane.
Best Internation Female:
Pink; Kylie Minogue; Jill Scott; Madonna; Britney Spears.
Best International Male:
Ricky Martin; Wyclef Jean; Eminem; Ronan Keating; Sisqo.
Best International Group:
Santana; Westlife; Savage Garden; U2; The Corrs.
Best International Newcomer:
Pink; Westlife; Jill Scott; Kelis; Lene Marlin.
Best Soundtrack (Are These ALL Actually From The Past Year):
Little Voice - VA; American Beauty - VA; Billy Elliot - VA; The Beach - VA; The Virgin Suicides - Air.
You know most of that little lot are bollocks, I know most of that little lot are bollocks. Let's start with my predictions as to who'll win...
Coldplay - Parachutes
Reluctant media darlings Radiohead will be narrowly pipped to this. If you call being walked over by Coldplay, Robbie Williams and Craig David pipped that is. Not sure I want any of them to win... where's PJ Harvey?
Craig David / Fatboy Slim
Is Craig David dance? Do these people have a clue? Do I care? Old Normy Cook looks just as likely as Craig David (break it down) to me.
I would like PJ Harvey to win, but thanks to her being sampled by the bad boy of rap and therefore thrust in people's faces, Dido's far more likely to win it. She's inoffensive enough but isn't exactly going to be remembered after this album.
Robbie Williams / Craig David
Craig's the lesser of two evils. Oh if idealism were enough...
If Bottomfeeder get so much as one vote, I will scream... that f**king Dancing In The Moonlight is the only song my young sister seems to like, and every listen makes me want to ram the CD up the arse of that Elton John / Adam Duritz hybrid of a muppet. Oh, yeah, Radiohead, but don't praise Thom, it'll only make him go crazy again... and release another album of mediocre mood music.
They bake quiches (probably), they murder decent 80s songs... they even have the odd tiff with their fellow aliens on Planet Pop. Why, it's A1! Like I understand what floats a pop picker's boat. However, I wouldn't mind a bit of that Per Siempre Amore with Lolly. ::growl::
Death In Vegas might get it so the voters appear to have a tiny bit of cred, but thanks to their brace of airplay-friendly singles, I think Coldplay will be this year's "Indie" darlings (since when has EMI been an Indie label?).
Yes yes, I know, that David fellow is the ladies' choice for this one but MJ Cole's a garage PIONEER, luvvies. Not that I can tell what he's doing that's so different from all these other garage artists...
Just a hunch.
Difficult one to call this... but Kylie just about gets my vote being, as she is, the comeback kid in a bigger way than Madge.
Do you need to ask?
Westlife / U2
I'd prefer the latter, although Smashing Pumpkins should win it by default. What me, biased? Actually, I'll say Westlife, and be waiting for those amusing "contraversial" acceptance remarks anyway. Ugly twats.
Having no idea what Jill Scott sounds like, I'm gonna plump for Pink.
The Beach - VA
Moby, All Saints, Fatboy Slim... and um, some others. Now 407689756 by another name. Or has Billy Elliott got any decent songs on it?
Is it really too much to ask that something other than the usual bland array of pop pap and sub-Shine compilation supposed Indie rubbish gets a little of the limelight? And praise for the hard work? Of course it is. Now run along and buy your pre-Awards compilation to listen to in your Fiesta... ::sniff::
Disclaimer: Nobody on DrownedInSound.com agrees with Dale. Ever.