Politics Explained..

Although it is late at night, it has become apparent in my confused mind that cheese is an

important political tool.I shall explain....

We can divide the cheese world up into three sections.

In the left corner, we have the socialist

cheeses....these can be discerned by their red (ie.

labour) hue and the fact that some of them even

adversite their marxist views in their names eg. Red

Leicester. In the right corner, we have the

Conservative cheeses, such as Stilton which tend to

have some form of blue in them...also they tend to be

quite strong -which reflects tory views-(although

Hague is yet to announce that he did 14 slices of

gorgonzola per day.) and also crumbly; is it mere

coincidence that these cheeses tend to originate from

the Tory heartland of middle England?? However, down

the middle we have what we call the liberal cheeses

such as Lancashire and Cheshire which are yellow and

have an inoffensive flavour which aims to please all.

The cheeses are even kept seperately at the Asda

cheese counter, in order to dispell political food

fights. Looking further into this theory, we could, if

we liked, determine somebody's voting preference by

the subliminal signals sent out through their cheese

of choice...however, i feel the best way to implement

this theory would be at the next election, when the

swing-o-meter can be replaced by the far less g.u.s.t

method of a cheese-wheel cum pie chart.

Thus we have a case of cheese imitating life.

Do you think I'll get a dissertation out of this??