OK, usually I get to do the serious stuff like news, reviews etc. Well, I have had enough of that.... time for me to do what I do best... talk bollocks.
Lets start with the subject on everyones lips.. no, not 'When did they let this guy out of the asylum' (last Thursday though, to settle your curiosity) but the one that really twist your noodle... 'How are the Rolling Stones still going?'
The answer is quite simple actually. In the mid 1960's when everbody was trying to invent drugs (like the banana skin spliffs etc..), one of the Stones roadies inadvertently created an anti ageing liquid. So, he ran off to tell the band and all were very excited. However, Mick Jagger wanted it all for himself and injected it into his lips so no-one could ever find it. The rest tried to replicate it but it was impossible. Unfortunetly for Bill Wyman, mixing the prune juice with anti ageing cream did what was expected... made his face very slowly look like a certain dried plum product.
Anstacia's 'Cowboys & Kisses' = Verve's 'Lucky Man'?.... I think so!!!!
Apparently, due to touring commitments, Kylie Minogue will no longer be able to join Robbie Williams onstage. Luckily however, Chris Evans has offered to step in so expect a version of 'Doing It With The Kids' very soon.
Random thought moment... if the lead singer of Papa Roach and a certain US DJ who has a pechant for allowing his songs to be used in adverts were to have a homosexual relationship leading to marriage, would we get a Moby Dick?
With all the 80's cover revials in the metal genre like Pitchshifter's 'Making Plans For Nigel' & Orgy's 'Blue Monday', when will Slipknot cover 'Too Shy' by Kajagogo?
Another intresting fact that may have escaped you... you know in the festival porta-loos with the pile of vomit and a pan full of shite? That is actually built in for atmosphere. Strange but (possibly?) true!
Heres another musing... Marc Bolan named his child Rolan Bolan, David Bowie named his Zowie Bowie... what if Paul Anka had a child?
Little tip for all you lovely people here... if you have an old Teddy Ruxpin toy (you must remember them!) with the tape deck in the back, put in some Korn or Radiohead... hours of fun, I swear.
An idea I had... if someone wanted to start a band, they should call it 'O Wot They Called!'. When they get signed (which they will), their first album should be called 'That Really Cool Album'. And all this is just for the one magic moment when you see the workers in HMV getting confused by some kid who has come in for 'That Really Cool Album' by 'O Wot They Called.'
And now, to round everything off, here is the top 10 alternative song titles for you. This weeks subject... FOOD!!!
- I Would Do Anything For Grub (But I Won't Do That) - Meatloaf
- U Can't Munch This - MC Hammer
- Let The Meat Control Your Body - 2 Unlimited
- Bread Alert - Basement Jaxx
- Swastika Pies - Primal Scream
- Generation Bap - Cyclefly
- Not If You Were The Last Crunchie On Earth - Dandy Warhols
- Perfect Piece Of Mash - Dream City Film Club
- Three Little Figs - Green Jelly
- Million Buns - Ooberman
So, until next time... Up the Donny Rovers, Down The Charts & Round The Bend!!!