C, E flat and G walk into a bar
and the bartender says: “Sorry we don’t serve minors”, so E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
...tell me a music joke, preferably as geeky as possible
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My wife's gone to see an indie band
Does it offend you, yeah?
No, I'm not bothered in the slightest
I've got about ten more jokes like this if anyone's interested
Yes please
Back by popular demand:
My husband's gone to see an indie band
Male Bonding?
Nah, he'll probably just stand at the bar on his own
I'm going to see a pop band
Girls Aloud?
I hope so, I'm a paedophile
I'm going to see the worst band in the world
Scouting for Girls?
Well, I certainly won't be listening to the music
I'm going to see an indie band.
Why?
Because I like indie music, prick.
Credit goes to Icarus-Smicarus for that one
You can keep it.
I don't want it back.
I'm going to see the best band in the world
The Band?
No, the Beta Band
and that one came from the twisted comic genius that is meths.
really?
Yeah, really
http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4264324#r5512811
Ok, so that isn't quite ten
feel free to make up your own if you feel short changed.
I'm going to see Fat Joe tonight
Fat Joe?
Yes, that is correct.
FUCK
I'm going to a rock concert with my friends tonight.
Motley Crue?
No, they're quite respectable.
I'm going to see an indie-pop/hip hop group tonight
Why?
Because I like indie-pop AND hip hop
I'm going to see a folk rock band tonight.
Mumford & Sons?
No - what sort of c*nt do you think I am?
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What do you call someone who keeps talking while the music's playing?
a rapper
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.
Josh T Pearson fan are you??
A child says to his mother...
don't be silly, you can't do both
Wow, spectacular thread screw up... What that was meant to say was
A child says to his Mother, "Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a drummer".
The Mother laughs and replies "don't be silly, you can't do both"
Preferred the first joke
How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?
1-2, 1-2
I was walking down the street the other day, and there was a homeless guy busking on the corner.
as I got closer, I could hear what he was singing "When I was young, everything was so magical....mystical...."
I couldn't for the life of me remember who had sung the original song, and as I walked past the guy busking it suddenly came to me, so I turned to the busker and shouted "SUPERTRAMP!"
The busker then stopped playing and said "Thank you very much".
1/10
0/10 for yours
So I win.
I like this thread
good joke
I used to be a trombonist
but I'm alright naaahh-owwww-aaah (trombone stylee)
I know this is bad but...
The National wanted a knew recording studio. After searching high and low, a farmer offered to sell them a disused barn. Next to this, was a pond currently in use, which would have to be relocated. Realising that the whole operation would take some organising, the band split up in order to get things done...
The Dessner brothers said they would take care of all the legal and financial issues.
The Devendorf borthers agreed they would begin designing the studio
Matt was stuck at first, but then realised there was an important job at hand...
"I'll explain everything...to the geese".
OF BEVERLY ROAD?
You do realise the lyric is 'explain everything to the geeks', right?
Now, no talking to geese you nutter.
I realised
Cheers
What does a prostitute do with her arsehole after work?
Drop him off at band practice.
Why do saxophone plays hate playing the soprano?
Because theres nowhere to hide the drugs
What's more romantic than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
superb *applauds*
needs more credit
What do you call a dog with wings?
Linda McCartney
Too soon?
:")
CELINE!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh47oyZs461qhnebao1_500.gif
Why is Mark Chapman serving life in jail without parole?
He shot the wrong Beatle.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.
Love this.
C, E flat and G walk into a different bar later on.
It was singles night. No strings attached.
how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the oven until it's bill withers
I used to be in a band called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
I got ripped off for gig tickets last week.
Thought I was getting The Cure, but it turned out to be Placebo.
You guys heard the one about the drummer who gets fed up of drummer jokes?
He's so fed up of all his friends taking the piss out of him for being a drummer so he decides to quit drums and take up guitar.
He goes into the attic and finds a battered old acoustic and then heads down to his local shop for some strings and a tuition book.
Drummer: I'd like two packets of guitar strings and a guitar tuition book please.
Shop Keeper: Oh dear, you're a drummer aren't you?
Drummer: That's amazing! How did you know that?
Shop Keeper: Because this is a fucking FISH SHOP mate!
:'''''''''D
I find this far funnier than I should, I'm still laughing
Fish shop? Do you mean Fish and Chip Shop or Fishmongers?
I can't laugh until I know.
either way it's funny because
DRUMMERS ARE STUPID LOL!
Paul McCartney is walking along the road and sees a beetle
"hey" he says "I named a band after you"
and the beetle says "what, Eric?"
What's handy in the supermarket?
A Chopin Liszt
David Essex, Bono & the Bobby Gillespie all working on a building site. they sit down on the highest scaffold every day & have their lunch. as they open the snap boxes the David Essex says 'omg! bloody ham sandwiches again!' if i get ham once more this week I'll jump off this scaffold to my death!' Bobby Gillespie opens his box & says 'haggis again! if i get haggis once more this week etc'.... Bono opens up his box 'jam sandwiches etc etc...' anyway the next day comes along & low & behold all 3 have the same fillings & jump to their death
At the wake the David Essex's says 'I cant understand it? he always said he liked ham' Bobby Gillespie's wife agreed & added 'yes... my Bobby would always want haggis'. Bono's wife says 'I cant understand it either? he always made his own sandwiches?'
I'm not sure how putting popstars in makes this a music joke
but I like it anyway because Bono and Bobby Gillespie both die.
How do you know when there's a singer at the door?
They never know when to come in.
How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
They usually have the wrong key as well ; )
Here all week, try the veal!
2 fleas bump into each other on stage at a U2 gig.
You know me - I like to live on The Edge
Oh FFS
- What are you doing here?
- You know me - I like to live on The Edge
Went into a cafe yesterday
and ordered the soup of the day. The waiter said "Here's your Oasis soup".
I said "Why is it called Oasis soup?"
He said "Because you got a roll with it."
Went back to the same cafe that evening
The waiter said "Can I tell you about the specials?"
I said "Sure."
He said "Formed in Coventry in 1977..."
I visited the same cafe at some point after your two visits
and asked for the Oasis soup and the waiter said it had been renamed The Smiths soup. I asked why and he said "because That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore you bell end"
Gaz Coombs
went into the same cafe. The waiter said "Supergrass!"
Coombs said "I'll have the soup."
What does a bass player use for contraception?
His personality.
What's the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonder's speedboat
What's the definition of eternal love?
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
Here's the FUNNIEST musician joke ...
A DEPECHE MODE lp saved Gary Numan's life !!!
Really! I read it in MOJO !!!
Explains SOOO MUCH.
What do you get if you chuck a piano down a mine shaft?
Aflat minor.
What do you get if you chuck a piano off the roof of an army barrack?
Aflat major.
Why did the guitarist keep drumsticks on his car dashboard?
So he could park in the disabled bays.
Great thread btw.
How many Pitchfork readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
7.6
How many DiS readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh.... it's a number you wouldn't have heard of.
How does Bob marley like his doughniuts
with Jammin'
What did he say to his Wailers when he bought them all donuts?
I hope you like jammin too
What was Beethoven doing in his coffin crossing out notes?
decomposing
I broke my G-string fingering A minor...
Hate it when that happens.
Dire Straits and Chris Rhea are to form a new super-group...
..it will be called Dire-Rhea.
Why did the monkey get lost?
...because the junglist massive
How many DiSers does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. We prefer candles, lightbulbs are sellouts.
How many DiSers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, we prefer it when everyone else is in the dark.
What do Princess Di & Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall
Rotten.
I entered a blindfolded m@sturbation contest at the weekend.
i have no idea where i came.
Tulisa
is backstage at a rock festival. She's just given Ray Manzarek a blowjob & is working on Robby Krieger when in walks Keith Richards, so she starts sucking him off instead.
Suddenly Michael Caine walks in & shouts "Oi! You're only s'posed to blow the bloody Doors off!"
If a hipster falls in the forest
You probably haven't heard it anyway
Rage Against The Machine
are on tour in Sheffield, and Zack wants some commemorative Sheffield Steel, so he goes to a souvenir shop and finds a nice ornamental steel knife.
He gets into the shorter of the two queues and someone says to him "you can't queue here, this is the queue for forks... knives are over there". And Zack says "fork queue, I won't do what you tell me".
A similar incident occurred when they were touring Colombia
Security for the gigs was provided by a local guerilla group who, for the purposes of this joke, were wearing sheep costumes. One of them told Zack to hurry up & get on stage, & he replied "FARC ewe, I won't do what you tell me."