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Scouting For Girls- 'She's So Lovely'
This might well be the worst song I have ever heard. I know this is likely to come across as hyperbole, but as of this moment, I genuinely mean it. It was blasting out of the speakers at twenty20 finals day last Saturday to the extent where I noticed the lyrics for the first time. Even in the context of a nice day out in the sun watching sport with my mates, experiencng the full horror of this record for the first time actually made me contemplate suicide.
It's not so much the record itself as much as the fact that members of the human race have paid money to own it. My secondary school music teacher, a genial man who offered tacit encouragement to even the most talentless of puils (ie me) would have dismissed this as the dross that it is.
This record is pathetically, embarrassingly poor to the point of being thunderously offensive. I absolutely guarantee that those responsible for it realised that it was a worthless piece of shit when they wrote it, but they have allowed others to hear it, presumably because, like me, they have lost their faith in our species.
This record is so hernia-inducingly dreadful that I am loath to mention it polite company in case I discover that one of my freinds likes it. This must be the way Americans felt about Communism in the 50s. Don't ask, don;t tell.
Anyone who feels I am being melodramatic should cast their eyes on the below:
I love the way she fills her clothes
She looks just like them girls in Vogue
I love the way she plays it cool
I think that she is beautiful
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's pretty, a fitty
She's got a boyfriend though and that's a pity
She's flirty, turned thirty
Ain't that the age a girl gets really dirty?
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes them hips
I love the way she makes me drool
I think that she is beautiful
A stunner, I wonder
Was she this fit when she was 10 years younger?
Come see me, discreetly
She said she's got a trick or two to teach me
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I think that you are lovely
I think that you are beautiful
For what it's worth, I think other than 'She's pretty/a fitty', the worst thing about it for me is the odiously affected gramatical errors. Actually, no- the worst thing about it is that after some vacant, dribbling imbeciles wrote and performed it, the human race continued to indict itself by contriving to release and then purchase this solid gold turd intheir fucking droves.
On the evidence of this one record, the human race has a maximum of two years left.