Most straight men will have either wondered, prompted or otherwise, which of the male fraternity they would ‘do’. Invariably my answer is, “Maybe Brad… or Johnny… errr, dunno… none of them? ARGH!!! Don’t touch me, Mike!” Familiar story? And so in possibly the most True Story gimmick ever produced by the zany world of the alternative music industry, *Gay For Johnny Depp *has emerged from a shit-stained, saliva-encrusted fable of drunken what-ifs with the best name EVER.

_“This is Johnny’s World.”

‘Sex In Your Mouth’_

The post-hardcore pedigree is all there with covert members of *Garrison *and *Instruction *plying their trusted trade in neckerchiefs and _“[go]nad gravy-freckled crusties” _and true to form, this brief 6-track mini-album rasps and careers through every plus point you need from a quarter-hour spazz-core grindout. This is a hardcore outfit that fails to take themselves to the deadly serious levels required for true respect and recognition in the right circles, and the ghastly genius simplicity that underlies their horribly memorable lyrics will unnerve the most apathetic bystanders into full action. Do not make the mistake of calling this a one-trick pony.

_“Behold the sound of revolution.”

‘Shh, Put The Shiv To My Throat’_

By taking all the *Dillinger *brilliance and making a whole load of fun with it, *GFJD *come up trumps all over your back. I don’t want to count how many times the F-word is used because I don’t have nearly enough digits. Besides, there are too many reasons why this record is incredible to list them individually.