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CHUMPSTATE

James: “Who are you and what do you sound like?”

Isaac: “We’re a band and we sound like ZZ Top!”

Shawn: “We’re Chumpstate and we’re a ska band.”

I: I dunno, we’re kindda jazz, funk, reggae, metal, ska…not indie.”

“Do you see ska becoming more mainstream anytime soon?”

I: “I reckon it will.”

S: “Yeah, with bands like Less than Jake…”

I: “Less than Jake were on Radio 1 today.”

Alistair: “Yeah, when we were in school.”

I: “Not that we go to school because we’re old enough to drink beer!”

A: “I just popped in for a visit…”

I: “Alistair’s put his foot in it! I was there because I was teaching!” <>

Kieran: “We were all teaching in school and they came on the radio!”

“What do you think about bands like Less than Jake, Blink 182 and Green Day who let their songs be played on the radio?”

I: “Green Day are a bit poo now! I heard their new song on Radio 1 as well, while I was…err…somewhere, and it sounds a bit like ABBA or something!”

A: “Yeah, but there’s only so many four chord songs you can write though aren’t there.”

“Do you think they’re selling out?”

I: “Well, Blink 182 have definitely sold out.”

A: “They’re all pop bands now, that’s how they get their money.”

I: “I don’t mind bands being played on MTV or being in the mainstream if people want them there. I mean like, Napalm Death, people have got to know them and they might ask for them but with Blink 182, people have heard them two minutes ago and want them on MTV. That’s what I don’t get…”

“If there was one band in the world you could tour with who would it be?”

I: “CapDown.”

K: “King Prawn.”

S: “S Club 7!”

“What are the band listening to at the moment?”

A: “The Venga Boys!”

I: “No man, what the hell are talking about?!? Louis Armstrong. He rocks…in a kindda soul sort of way!”

K: “Buddy Holly, man.”

“What’s influenced the band?”

A: “Beer!”

I: “Pretty much everything except dance music, indie music, Christmas trees and kevs! Kevs have fuelled us to be against them! If you don’t know what a kev is just look at anyone in Birmingham.”

“What plans do you have for the future?”

I: “I’m going to go to bed tonight!”

“As a band?”

I: “We’re all going to go to bed tonight…”

“What do you think of Cod Locker?”

I: “Cod Locker rock!”

K: “Fantastic!”

I: “Their bass player’s a bit weird though!”

Alex (Cod Locker’s bass player): “I’d just like to say that Chumpstate are really, really good and they’re the best band ever…except for Cod Locker! Actually, they’re better than Cod Locker and they’re better than everything in the world…ever!”

I: “I heard they suck!”

K: “The guitarist is pretty fit actually!”

I: “The drummer smells!”

S: “Yeah but the singer, you can see his dick by his knees!” <>

K: “Don’t get carried away man!”

“What do you think of the ska scene in Birmingham?”

A: “It’s crap.”

I: “We’re one of the four ska bands in Birmingham.”

A: “We’re not really a ska band though are we?”

S: “We’re more ska-core.”

I: “Birmingham smells.”

S: “The scene here is pretty good, really.”

I: “If you’re a kev!”

“Have you got any plans to bring out a CD?”

I: “Hopefully we’ll record something if we can afford it, none of us have jobs and we’re all poor! We’re want to make a rip off of Marilyn Manson’s Antichrist Superstar and we’re gonna call it Anti-kev Super-SKA! And it’ll have four songs on it about kevs.”

“What’s been the best gig you’ve ever played.”

I: “Tonight’s because it was our fist gig in Birmingham. We also got through to the quarter-finals of a national battle of the bands once.”

K: “Somehow!”

A random person: “Hi, I’m going to join the interview!”

J: “Yeah, but you’re not in the band though, are you!”

Random person: “Yes, I am, I’m the trumpist!”

J: “The trumpist?!?” <>

K: “What the fuck is one of those?!?”

Random person: “Ok, ok, just carry on…”

I: “Yeah so we got through to the quarter-finals but they kicked us out because we’re not an indie band and we don’t have a transvestite!” <>

“Any plans to get one?”

I: “A transvestite? No!”

A: “We do actually…Kieran, he’s gay!” <>

K: “Shut up man!”

Random person: “I could do it, I’m gay!…Nah, not really!”

I: “James, what’s your favourite kind of cheese?”

J: “I don’t like cheese…hey, what are you doing man, I’m asking the questions here! What’s your favourite type of cheese?”

I: “Extreme hardcore cheddar!”

K: “Ched-ska!”

“Are there any bands that you’ve got into fights with?”

A: “Nah, but there’s some bands we’d like to fight.”

Everyone: “OASIS!!!”

A: “Boyzone”

Random person: “a1!”

A: “5ive”

Random person: “Westlife!”

A: “I’d like to fight Paul Wincup (Gig promoter and all round nice guy)…”

Random person: “Nsync!”

A: “So Paul, if you’re reading this…”

Random person: “The Cure!”

Everyone: “SHUT UP, MAN!”

K: “We actually don’t believe in violence!”

“So what’s wrong with Paul Wincup? He puts on some good gigs…”

I: “I actually quite like him”

S: “Yeah, I suppose.”

I: “It’s just that we sucked really badly when we played in Rugeley. I planted a tree this morning because of how much we sucked! <>

S: “But luckily we made friends with Slow Gherkin which was good. We’re never going to play at the Red Rose again!”

“So where do you see yourselves in a year’s time?”

K: “Sitting at this table talking to someone we don’t know!”

I: “I’ll probably be in bed! I won’t be in McDonalds, it sucks.”

“What about in five years?”

I: “I’ll be helping people out in an old persons home! I need money.”

A: “Yeah, if anyone’s got a job going then phone me!”

“Can you describe the Chumpstate live experience?”

S: “If it’s not in Birmingham it sucks!”

I: “If you’re serious then don’t bother.”

“What are your views on Slipknot?”

I: “They suck man! They’re all arrogant bastards and if they came anywhere near me I’d hurt them! I did like them but now everyone that’s thirteen automatically likes Slipknot!” <> Can I just say that we’re not arrogant, we’re one of the few bands in the whole universe that values the fans more than ourselves.”

A: “We’d ask for a fan’s autograph rather than them asking for ours!”

I: “If you want to get onstage for one of our gigs then feel free because we’re less important than you are!”

“What’s your favourite type of monkey?”

A: “Oooh yes, a snow monkey!”

S: “Is a sloth a monkey?”

I: “I dunno man, but they’re pretty funny.”

J: “I think they’d count…

I: “They piss on their own heads! <> They’re too lazy to get out of the tree to go to the toilet so they just wee upside down and get it all over their head!”

S: “I think they move like a meter a year! <> That’s cool!”

“What do you think about metal in general?”

I: “Metal was cool.”

K: “It’s pretty useful!”

I: “Yeah, you can make beer cans out of it! It was cool but now the novelty’s worn off. When I was little I used to think ‘how can an airplane, which is a big piece of metal fly in the air?’ but it just does!”

K: “It’s because of other metal bits moving around isn’t it, so yeah, metal is cool!”

I: “Yeah, but gravity sucks!”

“Err, I’m out of questions…do you believe in God?”

I: “No way, don’t get me started, you’ll run out of tape! Apparently, don’t carry a skateboard and think you’re on top of the world because that’s what this preacher said to us. Then one day I saw him in McDonalds, which endorses the IRA, which kills people so he’s evil. Actually, don’t print that, I don’t want to get beaten up by the IRA!”

K: “Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead!” <>