There's nothing quite as depressing is there? It's not a proper injury, so you can't say 'Look at my detached retina! LOOK!' or suchlike. It's not painful, so you can't really hold anything and garner much sympathy. It's not something that requires a manly treatment - less 'Look at my full-body plaster-cast!' more 'Look, I just downed my Lemsip. I'm such a superhero'.

It's just totally fucking annoying. Look, my RUNNY FUCKING NOSE got me up at 5am. There are many reasons to get up at 5am - an all-day drinking binge, getting a train to a brothel, taking that first line of coke in the morning, queuing up for the new Gomez album - but a runny fucking nose has to be the most pathetic.

For fuck's sake.