I'm still reeling. It's like discovering I'm adopted rather than created in a lab by a mad scientist. Ya know? Like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A BIG LIE.

ANYTHING could happen next? We might be able to go faster than the speed of light by this afternoon! ITV might have programmes worth watching! Well, that's unlikely but still, you get my point.

It's a big wide world out there and I'm scared.

Mummy...