and I'm starting as I mean to go on. I seem to get hangovers if I so much as look at alcohol these days. Is it a sign of getting older? Also, I've hurt my calf. Anyone got any ideas as to what happened? It feels like someone hit hockey balls at my leg repeatedly during the evening. If I got hold of you, I'm going to slap you down like the hockey bitch you are.

Anyway. Happy new year to one and all. I would like you all to join me in my new spreadsheet task for the year, which is to list every alcoholic unit and cigarette that you have each day. By the end of the year, you can depress yourself with the amount of money you waste on socialising. Let's get spreadsheeting. I love spreadsheets. I will also have a column for 'amount of hockey balls propelled at my leg'. Current total: about 605, I reckon.