While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition
>during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that,
>he
>replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him
in
>the face.
>
>If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same
>time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
>
>Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
>"booya".
>
>Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.
>
>When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
>plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
>
>It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light
>Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
>
>Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance.
>But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
>so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into
>artificial Chuck Norrisi.
>
>Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
>baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
>
>Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
>to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
>beard.
>
>God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
a
>+500 gain to roundhouse ability.
>
>New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
>twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone
>at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street,
>and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
>
>Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
>
>When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35,
>He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
>
>Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
>
>A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
>phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
>
>Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega
>Genesis.
>
>Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the
8th
>wonder of the natural world.
>
>Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
>Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the
>face.
>
>Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
>space by the naked eye.
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
>
>Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
>
>Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a con dom.
>
>Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
>
>Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
>water.
>
>There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
>Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
>
>Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
>
>Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find
>a
>single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares
at
>you blankly until you sit back down.
>
>If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species
>list.
>
>Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
>
>Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
>
>Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
>
>If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
>ass
>and take your dollar.
>
>When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
>
>"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
>minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a
>few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
>his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the
>face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
>
>We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before
>we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
>
>Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
>
>Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
>"Bang!"
>
>In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary
>Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on
>the
>hooker in "Total Recall".
>
>Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
>
>Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
>
>Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he
>won't trade any of them for anything.
>
>If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
>would win: Chuck Norris.
>
>Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
>
>Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
>transformed into a robot.
>
>In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
>for
>one scene and nobody noticed.
>
>Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and
>Nagasaki.
>
>Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the
>paralympics.
>
>Chuck Norris is where babies come from.
>
>Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
>the
>1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get Out of
>Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card
from
>the game UNO.
>
>If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
>you may be only seconds away from death.
>
>On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.
>
>Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
>
>Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
>kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
or
>hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
>
>Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week.
>
>Chuck Norris invented water.
>
>Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him
>which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.
>
>Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to
a
>vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
>constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
>burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
>flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
>
>One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his
>left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's
>technical term: Jupiter.
>
>Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of
>Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes
>of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever,
>Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being
>repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
>
>Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
>
>Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
>he
>simply changes the actual spelling of it.
>
>BEFORE SCIENCE WAS INVENTED IT WAS ONCE BELIEVED THAT AUTUMN OCCURED WHEN
>CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED EVERY TREE IN EXISTENCE.
>
>BEFORE EMAIL WAS INVENTED CHUCK NORRIS WOULD ATTACH PICTURES OF HIS
>ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO PIGEONS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM.
>
>IN THE ORIGINAL PILOT FOR STAR TREK NEXT GEN CHUCK NORRIS CAN BE SEEN
>POWERING THE USS ENTERPRISE WARP DRIVE WITH HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS.
>
>THERE WAS A TIME WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LABELLED AS A MERE GOD OF MEN, MORE
>RECENTLY HE HAS TAKEN THE LOFTY TITLE OF "TENESEES JUNIOR EMBROIDERER OF
>THE
>YEAR".
>
>CHUCK NORRIS WAS ONCE ASKED TO RECOMMEND A CLUB TO WHICH HE REPLIED 'I AM
>CLUB' AND EVERYONE PARTIED ON HIM.. UNTIL HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM ALL
>BECAUSE SOMEONE SPIT HIS PINT.