The 4th = success media spin reaches full splodgy climax as van Gaal seals an unlikely extra year in the big seat by outboring West Ham on their big farewell to the ground we called Upton Park until last summer. Won't anyone think of the locals and lifelong Hammers just this once?

In other Irons news, the Pron Bros offer £45m for Theo Walcott and a French striker no-one's ever heard of as Operarion Attract Qatari Dough moves on to stage two.

Arsenal in turn offer £65m for Mahrez and Kante, but not really.

JT on his way to China.

Lallana to Spurs, but not really.

Gus Poo-yet rocks up in Greece.

Big Vince out for at least four months.

AOB?