Cheeky Everton fan has a go, performs admirably, gets the basics crucially wrong. Heh.

Klopp has pop at Stoke long ball tactics, in no way attempting to disguise another ramshackle flop-over-the-line by the new Likables. Fulham dash Spurs', everyone's hopes by standing firm on Dembele. Pato, for some reason.

How are we all doing today?