Greetings all and a happily merely pursued bag head of a 2016. Just need to ask youse for some advice. I'm fine in Clitheroe right now but small town East Lancashire life isn't going to cut it for me long term. Plus half my friends and family have either moved out or severed all diplomatic ties with me. Where can I move to for a fresh start, a new dawn and a new challenge?

*My criteria*
1. Must have a nightlife that doesn't end at 11 pm
2. Must not have a significant population of far right supporters to the extent where it defines the places identity
3. Must contain a majority of adults who can spell and use grammar above a reading age of 4 (see 2))
4. Must serve food in actual plates and glasses - I am learning to love London again but I guess this rules the place out again for me now
5. Must have a population of sup3r k3wl Pete Doherty and Kate Jackson a likes who are still living in 10 years ago and think Boy Kill Boy and new rave are big and beautiful things I'm not saying I necessarily think this is good but I've lost touch with this Indie lark since 2007 so best to stick with what I know and take it from there.

Cheers, looking forward to your trademark DIS peace, love and understanding!