I need help on this, massive help. I've never even seen Star Wars - true story.

The problem is, I was ignorant and bypassed anything I considered "geek culture" in my childhood and teens as I was a bit of a townie and looked down on any entertainment that didn't involve Oasis fighting Blur outside kebab shops or Gazza trashing jumbo jets in Hong Kong.

So please help me, er, chic geeks of DIS.