For the record, this is all RFWare's fault. Awful, really. Blame him for the upsetting disturbance in your day.

Perhaps you know a boring man well, or are even one yourself. I need to buy a Christmas present for my older brother, who has almost no interests, and stumps my entire family every year trying to think of things to get him, especially as his birthday is also at the end of November. Suggestions please.

He likes:
1) Football. He supports West Ham, and already has a season ticket that he buys himself. My dad has bagsied getting him a shirt every year already. We've reached the limit of mugs, keyrings etc, and he's never bothered to use the calendars. I've been to the West Ham shop at Stratford before thinking "at last! I can get him a present easily now" and then coming out with nothing.
2) Chocolates. I already bought him chocolates for his birthday.
3) Sudoku. Everyone in the family latched on to the fact he liked these, and bought him puzzle books until he begged us to never give him another Sudoku book.

Has no interest in:
1) Music. Doesn't own any albums, and has no opinion about music. Will just stick the radio on to the local station and listen to whatever they're playing.
2) Films. Just doesn't watch them. The last time he went to the cinema was to see Speed. Speed is also his favourite film.
3) TV shows. Only watches football and Eastenders.
4) Books. I have never seen him read anything other than the Sun.
5) Food. Doesn't like going to restaurants. Would never cook from scratch. Is happiest with something like a Fray Bentos pie with a big pile of potatoes on the side. Measures satisfaction with food by volume of potatoes. Is a menace at buffets.
6) Playing other sports. He used to play squash and five aside at one time, but can't be bothered now.
7) Video games. Doesn't play them, can barely operate a computer. Already has a smart phone he can barely use.
8) Booze. Doesn't drink.
9) Clothes. He's a postman and wears a uniform for work, so doesn't need many clothes. He has a big pile of unworn stuff that relatives have bought him anyway. He's 6ft2 as well, so chances are that stuff is unlikely to fit.
10) Housewares. Doesn't care. Got the essential bits for living already.
11) Car stuff. Doesn't have a car.
12) Novelty gift items. Actively dislikes them.
13) Vouchers. Will not spend them. Lives in an area without many shops, and can't be bothered to venture further afield to the next biggest town.
14) Experience gift vouchers. Can't be bothered to do things that aren't football.
15) Socks. My sister always buys him socks out of desperation.
16) Toiletries. Will not use them, esp if they have any kind of strong scent. Only likes Head and Shoulders and cheap showergel.
17) Money. He lives in a cheap area, and his wages cover him fine. He can comfortably buy the things he wants.

No offers of your own or anyone else's mum, no fleshlights or other things that could be bought at a sexshop.

I'm seriously considering getting my bro slippers at this point. I don't think he actually wears slippers, but it seems less depressing than socks. Got to be under £20. There's 9 people in my immediate family, so we agree to keep presents cheap.