I've never had a professional massage. Amateur massages (from da ladeez) make me tense up rather than relax - WHY ARE DIGGING YOUR FINGERS PAINFULLY INTO MY BACK?! But, I'm about to have my first real massage because my company is doing some weird employee happiness thing. Do you like massages? I think they definitely have an air of homeopathy about them. Might ask to see their credentials before they can lay hands on me.