haven't done one of these before, but as no-one else seems to have got round to it...

there are seven (7) matches in the Best League In The World™ today - with plucky underdogs Man City at home to the galacticos of Crystal Palace without any of their hopeless strikers, so an inevitable 8-0 away win there. Aston Villa will lose to Man Utd as per usual, Harry Kane will beat Burnley, and the other games will probably happen.

tomorrow, horses across the North East will be braced as Newcastle play Sunderland and a rejuvenated Liverpool, fresh from beating DiS's most supported club Bournemouth, play Arsenal. going to predict a ridiculous 4-4 draw, Gunnersaurus with a hat-trick (has good feet for a tall dinosaur I'm told).

elsewhere, Brentford are away to Cardiff and I hope we demolish them and Russell Slade cries into his sub-Pulis baseball cap (actual result Cardiff 3-1 Brentford), Real Madrid beat some Argentinians who are slightly better than some New Zealand postmen, and someone who pays attention to European football can let us know if there are any tasty matches to look forward to on the continent.

in other news, I have a free £5 bet on Betfred. apart from Man City losing, anyone got any top tips to help me #BashTheBookies and print myself some beer tokens?