As unfathomable as it has come to seem, there is NO World Cup football tomorrow. Drink today in lads and ladettes- come 11pm, it's cold turkey ... until Saturday afternoon.

Messi and Musa score a brace each as their respective nations go through. Now that's alliteration.

Valencia got himself sent off, don't think anything else happened in France-Ecuador. Probably because the BBC did a really annoying 'turns out France are good after all!' melodrama montage thing before kick off, the twats.

Chiellini bit his own shoulder, it turns out.

This evening, the USA and Germany will form a big circle around the ball and amiably pass it back and forth, irrespective of nationality or jersey worn, for 90 minutes. Portugal's Euro 1996 squad feat. Cristiano Ronaldo might now contrive to win a game, given they're already out.

AOB? Saturday's fixtures look pretty tasty.