Hello, hi,

I'm not really asking for advice but it would be welcome all the same if you can be nice about it. Is anyone else here petrified of flying? I didn't fly until I was at least 18 and the first time I did fly I took valium and slept for most of the flight). Then when I flew a few times after (to Cyprus and Spain) I had valium so I was fine.

I'm really disappointed, and quite frankly embarrassed after today. Due to my job I have go abroad, and luckily the people I work with are mainly based in Europe so the flights are short (currently).

Anyway, because I've had to fly frequently and often alone, I have started to relax a little bit whilst flying, even looking forward to the travel and visiting other countries etc.

To cut a boring story short(er), today on the way back from Amsterdam with my boss, I got on the plane and I felt like I might have a nap after a long day. The crew mentioned there might be a little bit of turbulence due to the rain etc, but I was fine and we sat at the front.

Anyway, as we set off and started climbing above the clouds I started looking out the window whilst listening to Fleetwood Mac and I was admiring how beautiful the clouds looked. I started taking photos and just was a bit transfixed by it all. All of a sudden, without warning, I burst out crying and started having a panic attack, sitting right next to my boss who thought it was quite humorous to start with. I won't go in to the boring bits but I had a full on attack which was only seemed to calm down with a few whiskeys and me closing my eyes and focussing on breathing for the rest of the journey. I'm embarrassed to say the journey time was only 45 minutes itself, and this was all for my boss to see.

I know I'm waffling, but I just feel so fucking deflated and defeated. I've turned down some opportunities abroad in the past mainly because of my fear of flying and today I feel like I've just gone back to the beginning. It affects me because I can't drive legally and I have to fly because of work and also I want to be able to travel and see the world a bit. I get so scared even before the plane that I feel like I can't breathe, and it sounds insane but I always look out for the captains, to see if they seem okay and I check out the plane. I know this sounds insane, I'm well aware of it and posting this will do me few favours. I'm supposed to be going to New York this year and maybe Canada and right now I feel like I just shouldn't bother going.

Enough of my self-indulgent waffling - my main question is, does anyone else get like this? Or know anyone that has experienced this? I'm looking in to hypnotherapy or maybe I just need to be educated on the actual physics of flying and statistics. I know to some people flying is nothing, which makes it feel worse.

Plane stories welcome too (upbeat ones gratefully encouraged).

Night.