Just got this press release. I know it's not your typical office worker gubbins but, like, what am I meant to do with this on DiS? Surely you all get sent stuff that's totally irrelevant to you but isn't 'quite' on the spam-axis-of-evils.

For immediate release

13 February 2014

Friday’s Full Moon Set To Increase Tides and Water Levels In Sodden Britain Warns Respected Astrologer

Celebrity astrologerNicolas Aujula has warned that Friday's full moon could pile on the pressure for an already sodden England over the weekend. While a full moon is not normally a cause for concern, it’s relationship to tides and water levels could see flood hit areas facing a fresh onslaught at a time when record rainfall has left many homes and roads flooded.

A TV favourite, Aujula is a respected astrologer and accomplished Past Life Regression therapist. Based in Berkshire, he has analysed the charts of several Hollywood stars, read for 80's icon Toyah Wilcox on the Biography Channel and is the resident Astrologer for the Beverly Hills Times. An expert in the spiritual science of Astrology, he is urging those already battling weeks of extreme weather to be prepared for fresh misery on Friday and over the weekend.

He said, “The relationship between a full moon and the tides, water levels and even human behaviour is well documented. A full moon means the tide’s range is at its maximum which causes water levels to rise. With such an usual weather system already wreaking havoc on a large part of the country, this couldn’t have come at a worse time for the hundreds of thousands of people who have seen their homes and businesses flooded in recent weeks. Increased water levels mean due to high tides means many coastal areas and those living by rivers will need to brace themselves for even more flooding. Even though the full moon occurs on a regular basis, it falls in a different zodiac sign that colours its character every month. Friday's full moon is more volatile that usual as it falls in the constellation of Leo, a sign known for it's fiery, dramatic and aggressive nature that wants to get it's own way

“When a full moon occurs, the moon, earth and sun are aligned in an almost straight line. This means the gravity from the sun reinforces the moon’s own gravitational pull on the tides, increasing the scope of the high tide to its maximum power. High tide at this time is also known as spring tide, named not for the changing of the seasons but for the action of the tide ‘springing’ forwards with increased power and velocity. Couple this natural rise in water levels with the prolonged bout of wind and rain most of Britain is shivering beneath and the potential for even more flooding becomes a very real danger.”

With more than 24 hours to go until the full moon, winds have already surpassed 100mph hour in some areas. Much of South Western England is already under water and the Thames water level has risen to a 60 year high. Some experts have predicted that the flooding could last for another two months with no respite in site until April.

Aujula adds, “Gravitational attraction is an incredible force. Most of the time the lunar high tide passes without incident, it’s simply a higher tide and usually has no real bearing on day-to-day life. However in this instance, the forces of nature mean the tide’s at full moon will also be affected by the bad weather which can increase the tide’s potency, bringing an Atlantic storm system, high tide and rising water levels together at exactly the wrong moment for those already battered by the month’s heavy rain.”

The astrologer, who lives in Maidenhead, Berkshire has seen the effects of the floods close to home. He said “The water levels in the river Thames here are already dangerously high. However the situation down the river in places like Cookham and Datchet has also become a cause for concern. I've seen first hand people I know bear the brunt of the flooding with water ruining homes and businesses. However people are coming together to help one and other out, there is a real community spirit out in force”

Weather forecasters predict that there could be little respite till April. From an astrological perspective there are link to the unsettled weather and planets in retrograde. Aujula explained, “Between the New Year and May will see three planets in the sky go into retrograde motion, literally one after the other, an occurrence that doesn't happen often with the planets closet to earth; Venus, Mercury and Mars. When a planet is retrograde it appears from the perspective of the Earth as if the planet has reversed forward direction, and is then moving backward. This reserved pull of gravitational force causes delays, disruptions and turmoil. Venus was retrograde in late December till end of January, then Mercury began retrograding on Feb 6 till Feb 28 and lastly Mars will begin its retrograde on 1 March till mid-May. Planets often retrograde but in early 2014 its back to back with the three planets closet to Earth exasperating the situation.”

Nicolas Aujula has appeared on the Biography Channel and ITV Daybreak. He will feature in a brand new TV-documentary set to air on Channel 4 later this year. As an Astrologer, Aujula’s work has been seen in various UK and US publications including Glamour, Hollywood Weekly, Asian Woman, Chat It's Fate, Spirit & Destiny and the Beverly Hills Times.