Like every other proud Englishman living in Scotland, I want to celebrate my national roots by eating haggis and drinking whisky this weekend.

What should I buy?

I got really excited about the idea of deep-frying Mars Bars as an ironic dessert, until I realised it was a bit racist and not funny. Quite keen on having a go at a clooty dumpling though...

Any other tips to allow me to go full tourist for an evening?