Shampoo - makes your hair greasier in general cos your scalp goes 'fucks sake all the grease has been washed away again we'll have to make more grease more often lads if this is what we've got to put up with'

Moisturiser - same theory but for your skin. Use Vaseline for chapped lips too often and you get chapped lips all the time.

Toothpaste - FLUORIDE DUPE! FLUORIDE DUPE! I'LL GET THE DRINKS IN BABE COME ON LET'S GET SMASHED

Prehistoric humans were probably cleaner than we are now.