Real football shakes off international football like a prickly coat, reminding us why we got it into the loathsome sport in the first place with such fixtures as STOKE vs SUNDERLAND, WOLVES vs COVENTRY, and UNITED vs SOUTHAMPTON. Just imagine the excitement you will feel in the build-up to Guy Mowbray's pants-spaffing over City's 1-1 with West Ham at 22:30. Imagine!

In Europe, there's...there's fuck all going on, I won't lie to you boys. Unless you count Lyon Bordeaux. It's a shockingly shite roster of games they've provided to nurse us back into the numbing reality of club football, a cruel slap to the face to remind us who we truly genuflect to. Enjoy yourself, wherever you fetch up this weekend, and provide us with lots of colourful detail when you feel the need to reach for your devices. Please.