Never started one of these, hope I'm not subverting protocol somehow. How was your weekend?

On Saturday I ended up the bloody Old Blue Last. You can tell the students are back because a) some poor lad who I'm unfairly presuming was drunk fell down the stairs and cracked his head open (he was fine, walked himself to the ambulance) and b) whilst this was happening no-one could go upstairs, and when I explained this to some young, fresh-faced girl, her expression suddenly dropped, and she actually said to me: 'but it's my BWIIIIIIIIIIIRTHDAY!!'

Yesterday I walked the exquisite tightrope of shopping for a negligée for my wife's friend, who's getting married this weekend; had to seem interested but not, you know, TOO interested.