Splendid though the UK is in most respects, I'm getting a bit fed up of living somewhere where the weather is cold and wet for three quarters of the year (and wet or cold for most of the remaining quarter). So where else is good to live? I've drawn up some essential criteria that any candidate country must meet, viz:

Must have nice weather.

Not full of bellends

Must be able to get a decent cup of tea.

Decent sport available (football is a must, but preferably rugby and/or cricket, also).

Decent music (in major cities at least).

Relaxed attitude to sexual morals.

Cheap booze and fags.

Not hopelessly corrupt.

Not full of British expats.

Any suggestions of where might fit the bill?