Robert Lewandowski reminds everyone why he's no £30m striker, fluffing several chances as Dortmund hold their own in Madrid before almost blowing it after a late wobble.

Jose Mourinho pretty much confirms to ITV that he's rejoining Chelsea but is cut off mid-flow as the announcement is deemed less important than Go Compare's latest advert.

Millwall and Palace play out a predictably shit goalless draw.

Accrington Stanley bin their boss.

Man City apparently sign Fernandinho from Shakhtar; a deal that would fall somewhere between the novelty socks purchases of last summer and a real appetite-whetter.

The three-montly revolving Leandro Damiao to Spurs rumour appears again, reportedly keen on Hatem Ben Arfa.

Malaga apparently eying up Bobby Martinez.

Injury threatens to end Javier Zanetti's 65-year Inter career.

Barca v Bayern tonight. Predictions? I can see Bayern scoring, but most of their team's on bookings. If Messi's 100%, i'll say 3-1.

Any other business?