Continental football watchers polish their little bellends as the argument over what the best league in the world is is settled in brutal fashion over two successive nights of beautiful German dominance in the Champions League.

Questions arise about why Dortmund have decided to sell two of their best assets to their main rivals, but it's thought both had contract release clauses which have been met, so more down to cynical timing by Bayern than anything, maybe. Would you play them in the Final, though? Klopp will, but idk.

Rumours begin to surface that Gotze rejected two English clubs, thought to be Chelsea and United. The Independent try to keep a straight face whilst claiming Arsenal were in for him, as well. Bayern confirm that they've also had a £40m bid for Arturo Vidal rejected by Juventus

The best striker in the country gets a ten-game ban for his latest impulsive brainfart. No-one can have any complaints given his previous behaviour.

20-goal uber-flop Nando Torres says he'd rather stay at Chelsea for the last three years of his £250k-a-week contract.

SKD edges towards Toronto move.

Fan-owned Pompey appoint Guy Whittingham as boss and raise £3.5m in supporter pledges.

Date and location of the inquest into Hillsborough to be announced later.

Pulis leaving Stoke, probably. Hopefully they'll try to appoint someone who will encourage good football, that'd be a right laugh.

Kolo Toure announces he's leaving Man City. Shame that, he's done quite well when called upon from what i've seen, but you can fully understand why he might want to play a bit more and why they might want his £100k-a-week wages off the books. Everton might be a good shout, but rumours are doing the rounds that Man United have shown interest.

UEFA Cup action tonight, as favourites Chelsea and Benfica get the away legs of their ties against Basel and Fenerbahce out of the way.

Jede andere unternehmen?