I know a lot of you like to present a carefully sculpted image as a thoughtful humanitarian concerned with issues of social welfare and equality, but other than talking extensively about how much you care about the BIG issues on here, what do you do for others less fortunate?

Please, no meaningless platitudes of ‘well, I really hope to do more’ or ‘I signed up for a charity thing a while ago and am waiting to hear back’ Just be honest will yourself and everyone here and say I don’t give a fuck about poor and disadvantaged people, your honesty will be respected.

Obviously the handful of big money earners on here may feel their time is better spent earning the big cash to be donated at a later date, rather than ladling out soup for a few hours a week, and that’s fair enough. I would imagine in this case a minimum of 5 hours a week wage would be donated, so a few hundred a month. Please, no claims that chucking a fiver a month at Esther Rantzen or sponsoring a guinea pig is sufficient.

Well, what the fuck do you do? You patronising, sanctimonious prick! I hear you cry.
Well, I’m pretty much a latter day Mother Theresa (though dissers decided she was a terrible cunt or something last week – those guys must have some great personal stories of their charitable acts, I look forward to reading!)

N.B for any female dissers who have attended any DiS meats, each attendance will count as a year of charitable acts

N.B. for any female dissers who have slept with a male disser, that counts as an entire lifetime of charitable acts (akin to sponsoring an entire pod of dolphins through university and into their old age and plush retirement community)

The winner of the thread will be nailed to a giant belle and Sebastian LP at the next dis meat and die for all our sins.