because my landlord is selling the building.

I decided I needed to be in when they came, because I can't stomach the idea of estate agents and strangers being in my house unsupervised. I know that if I wasn't here, the next time I can't find something, I'll fly into a pant-shitting rage about property investors nabbing my novelty salt and pepper shakers.

The day is not going well for me, to be fair.

One guy wanted to look in a cupboard to see what kind of boiler we had. I didn't let him, because that cupboard is also where my girlfriend keeps some of her stuff and it is regularly overfilled with handbags and scarves that fall out when you open the door and also fuck him, he can ask the landlord if he wants a technical specification. Nevertheless, I felt like a cunt and made the atmosphere frosty.

Some absolute fucking spaniel thought it was cool to start snapping away on her iPhone without asking permission. She snapped my desk (probably just wanted a picture of the alcove bit where the desk is), which has a bunch of work on it and for some reason, she snapped my wine rack. "Yeah, I've got a little wine rack in the kitchen, it's where I keep my wine you fucking posh nightmare!"

One guy asked me about crime in the area and I gave him my honest opinion (petty crime is quite rife), then the estate agent started trying to contradict me, so I got all uppity and said "do you live on this street as well then?"

I keep getting asked questions that make me look a dick for answering honestly.

"What are energy bills like?" - Pretty high
"Do you get noise from the tram?" - Yeah
"Is it south-facing?" - I don't know.
"Where do you work?" - What?

The worst bit was when a girl of about 20 patronised me by saying "it's a lovely flat, you really take good care of it," as if it was unusual for private tenant to have pride in their home. She was with her parents.

I'd fucking love my parents to buy me a massive fucking house with four self-contained flats and a monthly yield of about £2,500.

I'm typically quite the realist and I get that there are many benefits to living in a capitalist nation, but this is fucking shit.