Gareth Bale continues to be incredible, and was unplayable at times against Newcastle. Just as well really considering no-one else in our team fancies scoring just now. Pardew cries because AVB doesn't give him a kiss as soon as the final whistle blows.

Our 4th place contenders then all go and win because they're cunts. Marin even manages to sneak onto the pitch and score for Chelsea, while 10-man Arsenal beat Sunderland. However, a GazBaz-inspired City decide to keep things interesting by losing to southampton.

Villa win! Despite losing their last 50 games, Big Sam, gets a little bit irked by suggestions that West Ham's form's not so good just now.

QPR looked fucked, looks like not even the promise of a guard of honour for them all should they win a match will save them now.

Ronaldo scores another hat-trick.

Some other results.