Today I made a decision to buy products exclusively from Amazon, Starbucks and Google. I've been hanging on to these silly teenage ideas of an independent ethos, but today I had an epiphany. It doesn't matter that these companies are sucking the financial lifeblood out of the UK until it becomes the international equivalent of Pete Doherty's penis after a 72-hour binge. Amazon do Just Good Books, and Starbucks do Just Good Coffee. It doesn't matter where they come from.

Some old woman will die tonight because the government can't afford to pay her enough welfare to cover her heating bills. Good: she brought it all on herself for failing to adapt to the modern market, and frankly we can do without the tastemaker opinions of small business owners who think everyone should chip in a little to keep our hospitals and schools going. That's why I'm putting forward Starbucks for Company Of The Year, and if you don't like that, go home, have a little cry-wank over your 'real' coffee and leave the tax evading fun to the young, ethnically diverse people in charge of the world's biggest corporations.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!