We had a cat called Scratch when we were kids. He was really fucking stupid. I'm pretty sure he was disabled in the head. He used to go missing for weeks on end and roll back, completely emaciated and flea-ridden.

He was pretty disgusting to look at. his fur was always matted and greasy, but he had a great personality. Don't think I ever heard him meow. Not sure he knew how to, if I'm gonna be honest.

He was so docile, my brother and me used to give him moggy swings, where you grab him by the legs and throw him in the air. He always used to come back for more. he loved those moggy swings.

He lived to 18, which is a pretty good age. I always remember my dad saying he went to curl up for the big sleep in a bush, but I have subsequently found out he had massive kidney failure, so they just put the poor cunt to sleep.

Great, great cat.

So yeah, your favourite pet of all time please and a few words about them, if you like