to set the scene, for lunch (late lunch) i had chicken tikka. now, that ain't a hot curry baby (i'm no spice warrior but i like em hot, if you catch my drift), but it gave me a bit of a pensive stomach.

so after clocking up a 9-5 and saying my see yas, i'm on the bus home. feel a bit of a stomache coming on. nothing life threatening but noticable. keeps gettin worse dunnit? now i'm a private man and a respectful man, but by the time my bus was rolling home i was holding a serious parp in. one of those you know that, unfortunately, is gonna hang like a warty bird in Salem.

thought; hold it til you get off the bus. sat next to someone who works for the same company as me weren't i? didn't want to offend her. all going well until its time to get off the bus. stand up and there's nothing i can do; i exude a muggy sulphur into the air. we're stood still as well, some old fella taking his time up front.

i can tell it honks so i feel a bit embarassed. finally get to get off the bus, say my thanks to the driver and when i do i look behind me. to my horror, i realise my crime is tenfold worse.

no word of a lie right behind me there's a fucking midget right in the line of fire.