so....

my parents are away for two weeks. last night i went out on the town for a friend's b'day and start talking to a girl.

it's quite flirty bants, and then she pulls out a 'do you want to kiss me' bomb in the garden. so we snog.

we keep talking/kissing, and at the end of the night, i invite her back to my empty house. i can't remember the last time this happened, so i assume god is looking down on me, giving me a cheeky wink and nudge in the side, for this to happen on the very day my parents go on holiday.

so we get home. she raids the booze cupboard and makes us some awful cocktail combination. we sit outside. she waxes lyrical about the stars. we're both pretty tipsy, but not too bad. i suggest we go upstairs. EH? LET'S BLOODY GO UPSTAIRS, wink wink, nudge nudge. exciting.

so we're upstairs and she goes on my i-tunes and gets excited about my king crimson albums. she puts on '21st century schizoid man' very loud...but then she puts on stairway to heaven on youtube, and plays them at the same time. there is a lot of music. too much music. 'led zep AND king crimson?'.....'this girl's crazy', i think.

i start talking to her, but she's becoming unresponsive and not really making much sense. anyway.....finally she gets in my bed, and stuff starts happening. but then stuff stops before anything can happen. she pulls away.

'are you ok' i ask. no answer. she's not saying anything.

and she continues to not say anything. unless you count the noise of her vomiting in my bed as a form of utterance.

and it is quite the utterance. everywhere. sick all in my bed. on the bed sheet, the duvet, my carpet. i help her to the toilet, but as i tun my back, she's already stumbled off to the spare bedroom and passed out,

so now.....i've gone from being on the verge of sex with a girl....to wondering why her sick had to seep through the duvet cover and onto the duvet itself, which will surely be a much harder clean job,

and now there is a girl passed out in the spare room. there is sick all over my bedroom. and i'm still not having any sex.

thank you.