Dear ex who I left *seven* years ago,
I hate you. Have I not made that clear time and time again? Is it not obvious not only that you repulse me, but that I find everything you do with your life despicable? Why do you still email me asking "what's new pussycat?" and make me sing Tom Freakin' Jones on a Wednesday afternoon, just for shits and giggles?
It would've been easier just to have you bumped off. IN HINDSITE EH?
GO LIVE IN A HOLE IN OUTER MONGOLIA.
Cheers.

Your turn!