PAST IT
Freddie Ljungberg is expected to sign for an MLS team today

WANKER
Something something Harry Redknapp something

HOMER SIMPSON
Stoke are sniffing around Marlon Harewood

ACTUALLY LOOKS PRETTY USEFUL
QPR want Daniel Sturridge on loan

THREATENED TO BE QUITE GOOD
Ade Akinbiyi looks like he's heading for the football scrapheap again with Burnley likely to release him

JAPAN
Nakamura back to Japan in all likelihood

NOT SURE I KNOW WHO HE IS
Steven Smith to leave Rangers

THE CHEAP OPTION
Tony Adams to take over at Nottarf Krap

MUCHO DINERO
Oneday Ramos to ask for buckets of cash from Spuds. (editors note - How much cash must they have wanked out over Jol, Ramos, Bagpuss, bad Russian strikers etc?)

TAKING MY BALL HOME
Andy Cole walks out on Forest, and probably the world of football

TALKING BALLACKS
Michael apologies for running his mouth off

WE ALL STAND TOGETHER
Maldini stands up for Beckham, whilst also inviting him over on Sunday to meet the grandkids

I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A STRIP BAR
Petrov says John Carew should be allowed to go to all the strip bars he can handle

FIXTURES
Saints v Coventry
That is all. COYR