What would it be?

Mine would be about a courier played by Jason Statham who has to deliver a parcel from Old Street to Fitzrovia but the parcel is wanted by gangsters led by Bob Hoskins, though naturally you will never find out what is in the package. Cue lots of explosions and chases as Statham tries to get the package delivered by half five so he can afford a private abortion clinic for this bird he met down the Bricklayers on Friday. And Bob Hoskins will say "Who's this barstard"

"It's just the courier boss"

"Well sort him AHT!"

In the end Jason and Bob will fight it out on top of the London Eye after Jason discovers Bob is an uncle who molested him at a young age. Delivering the final blow, he will knock Bob off, impaling him on the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben to be specific.

It will be called "Courier"