Please refrain from stepping into the path of slightly jaded, yet hopelessly romantic late twenties men and saying 'Oh my God...you're the reason I got out of bed this morning' whilst maintaining eye contact, twirling your hair with your fingers, pouting slightly and struggling to contain your exceptionally perky breasts that are fighting like two puppies in a sack against the cotton based tyranny of your tight sky blue Carhartt t-shirt.

You see, at heart we are aware that you most likely don't fancy us, but, we're shallow, weak, somewhat vain and essentially eternal optimists.

I've only known you for 5 seconds, but, already I'm imagining waking up beside you in your bohemian abode, fixing you a fair trade coffee and feasting on granola and Yeo Valley yoghurt whilst you read me selected editorial pieces from the Guardian and I pretend to agree with the sentiments expressed.

Well, I'm now stood outside the Waitrose on Winton high street with a raging erection and you haven't even begun your sales pitch............

'Seal Clubbing, hey?......

Well, I can't help, but, feel that they should be allowed to do whatever they like with their leisure time'

A smile, a laugh...more eye contact, I want you so bad....I'll quit voting tory for you, I'll nod furiously whenever Polly Toynbee says anything on Question Time, I'll come to the Free Palestine march with you, I will follow you to the end of the earth (or Hull, whichever is closest) if you'll only kiss me!