1. Film scores. I accept that they’re probably not the easiest thing in the world to make, but please, for the love of god, either get some original ideas or get some new people in. Or use real music by real musicians. How many people are there in the industry, 20? I can’t remember ever being so annoyed at a film score as to actually have to turn the film off. Well done Lord of The Rings! But, please remember, you are not advertising Hovis bread. Neither is the twee music in the film suitable for many of the dark scenes. I’m going to have to overcome this mental block to be able to attempt another watch; four hours of being annoyed is not an enticing prospect. And I blame you all. Do your job with some imagination, you useless slackers.

2. Razor manufacturers. Please stop dressing your extortionately priced razors in pretty colours to entice me; I’m a sucker, now lots of cash down, and, amazingly, still prickly in places that I shouldn’t be. “Extreme beauty” eh? Well, tell that to any unlucky bastard who comes into contact with an allegedly shaved body party after a liaison with your razors. “Ouch, shit that hurt – I thought you just shaved??”. “That’s extreme beauty for you darling”. Arghhhh.

3. Missing three exes simultaneously; it’s shit. I have nobody to blame for this but let’s just get it into the mix. It’ll probably be the most responded to ;)

And now it's your turn.