I spend all day flicking between microsoft Excel and the internet, depending on who's behind me.

I take great pride in discovering new formulas in Excel.

I actively hate people who don't know how to format word documents correctly.

I drink a MASSIVE cup of coffee before I start doing any work, then go for a shit, then check facebook/bbc/DIS, then it's lunchtime. Then I grab some microsleep at my desk and go home.

No one notices it when I fall asleep in meetings, because I'm really good at hiding it. They just think I'm nodding in agreement.

I've just been to a meeting about how we're having too many meetings.

FINANCE!

The most exciting part of the month is when my stationery order comes in.

I'm suspicious of people eyeing up my highlighter pens.

I have a crush on the girl who goes to the watercooler at 10.30 every day, but I'll never, EVER get beyond saying 'Hi' to her and smiling like a cracked mug.

This girl isn't even pretty. I only fancy her because she's female and I'm going insane because

I'M AN OFFICE WORKER