My Dad's not coming back from Saudi so we're not allowed to go to my aunt's coz my uncle will be outnumbered 8 women to one man. So, my sister's buggering off to her boyfriends and my mum's coming to me in London! How shit?! I can't cook and she's a vegetarian, what are Marks and Spencers turkey's like?! I neeed a proper roast!

Have you been ordered home by your families? What will you be eating? Can my mum and I come to you?!