I don't know whether Telewest should be applauded or destroyed piece by piece for their unashamed creation of the most dialobical and coldly evil advertisement character I have ever seen. Every time she appears on my screen, the black holes where her eyes should be staring out of her papery visage, I imagine her sliding outwards, discarding her colourful, cheerful trappings, insinuating her way through plastic and silicone to appear like some 2D Sadako on my keyboard, her mouth open to show teeth like broken glass.

I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I don't much like the idea of blue flames with comedy accents either.