Ok ok OK, of course there are lots of happy memories for us all who have had to share houses with other people and we can loll on our chairs with a wistful look on our eyes that takes us back to the salad days of college and university and for some of us even dorms at school, but really, honestly is there not something unwholesomely wrong about certain flatshares?

1. Halls of Residence - random people from around the country/world/bottom of the sea forced together who will all ask the same inane questions and feel obliged to all hang out together and even plan to live together in the 2nd year, only to start resenting all and sundry once you discover more fun people on your course/around town that you want to share with. But, OH SHIT, you've signed a contract for 1 whole year once the 2nd year starts and you have to live with these cunts for a further year. The only option? Suicide attempt of arson

2. forced houseshares in towns, as in - 'Flatmate wanted: must be into CB radio, have been dead for a week and be willing to share kitchen with sock obsessed tramp. No DSS' - (I did actually rent a room in a shared a house which said 'must be John Peel fan', they turned out to be utter cunts.)

The above type of flatshares are usually with people forced to have to live on their own - but in a sharedd house for a reason - nobody wants/likes them enough to start a flatshare together in the frist place, and clearly they hate people anyway. So basically you have to move into a house full of 4 or 5 misanthropes who will either creep you out by never leaving their room, make snide comments about the cleaning rota, try to get off with even though their face looks like it hasn't been finished yet, and steal your food in a really clever way unless you put notes inside that say FUCK OFF.

The only way to avoid this is to either rent a flat on your own, live with a partner, never leave home and live with your elderly parents or move in with mates into a shared house and if one of them moves out, knock the room down or pay more rent, because if you give it to someone else the above is just the beginning......