I don't believe this. I leave you on your own for a couple of weeks, assuming you could keep the music revolution chuntering along for the meagre duration, and I return to what I can only describe as a TRAVESTY of a website. Photos ooze out profiles, your well-fed faces grinning smugly into the middle distance, hollow facades of RANDOM but ultimately HARMLESS good times, gibbering at one another across countless SHIT 5/10 AT BEST threads, an endless self-centred wall pissing contest. I hope you're all bloody happy with yourselves.

Have we fallen so far that we must plaster our boring, boring faces onto the net to illicit interest, turn this sacred place into a flimsy Myspace? What happened to the glorious "only premier user" days, when the whys and forthwiths of profile pics requested by timid noobs went regally ignored? What happened to unrepetant, bloody-minded, glorious minimalism? When wit and wordsmanship had to be employed to make your profile cut its way through the dross? Perhaps next you'd like signatures, so you can display how savvy and disaffected you are of the current political situation, and all the cute smilies you've recently found whilst ignoring your pathetic little lives falling apart around you.

It's a slippery slope, and I for one will not stand for it. Now, which of you CUNTS is fucking WITH ME?